Temporarily Under Construction

Hi Taylor. I like you, but meant no disrespect by gifting uninvited. So, a bit of this has changed, cause i decided to add some extra special bits just for You, so please look for Your name on here. and if You find me, You know the answer to all the world's questions is where I'm 42. If You haven't read the hitchhiker's guide, You should - especially if You wanna be in southern california in march, or rome for memorial day for that matter.







I guess i should have asked permissioN before Sending You this, but i hope You won't mind. i *Love You. No, not in the creapy, (cougary? cougaresque? cougarist? cuogarist? guogarist? guigarist? guitarist?) I'm 41 and You're 33 way. No, not in a teenage idol/crush kind of way. Just respect. i mean, in the i *Love everyone in the world way. i hope You have enough room in Your incredibly warm heart for all of them too. i never could understand how anyone couldn't *Love everyone in this same way. But i guess I'll always be that awkward kid, who never could quite master a smile - to this day i still hide my teeth behind closed lips. but i can speek. i told You I'd tell You My secret, and here it is. Please handle it with care, as precious few of us ever find a voice. How many in the world do? I'll be there if You ever need help - but i don't think You will.

If You can figure out where cinderella left her shoe with the hebrews, i can bring You mo're of My truth in march. Otherwise, my work Here is done. Please tell greta that I'm trying to bring her rosy glasses back, but I'm having a hard time getting to Sweden. And i lost my phone. Thanks. Regardless, no that You are *Love. And that no cognitive dissonance is ever required of You - You have to let it in, and You have to let it stay. Just like everyone. But I can give You invincibility. Literal.












Preface (defect! defect!! defect!!!)













verbal gymnastics sights to be seen while You pick back the curtain to see the squat little man hiding behind the wizard of oz.













Brought to You by the many billions of nameless and faceless souls, who have never had no voice, but have inspired me to find You. but don't worry - we can shake it off without You, but we'd *Love if You'd help

by

e




































All Rights reserved. You can find a copy of the most pertinent points of the agreement that Your usage of this content is bound by beginning on line 6000. Any persons described in this are fictional, and nothing in this document is an accusation of a crime or an attempt to commit libel or slander against any person or entity, public, private, or personal. Well, unless Amy wants to call me later - I'll be free by 8pm.



























I'd like to invite You to step aboard the lyrical express, where we will provide fanciful excitement and cartwheels for You to select from as You see fit.

Did You see what i did there?

Did it make any sense? It sounded like a prelude to something more intense than a simple invitation.

It sounded like it had more poignancy to offer than that little bit of facility.

But what can You do when You have no other use for You mind but to follow a run on sentence until its completion.

I mean, how many participals can i string together in a single thread before its inherent strength is expired?

Should i have said exceeded? Extinguished?

Does it really matter to the intent of the phrase?

Was it a phrase? Was it a sentence?

You see what I'm trying to do here?

It's what You might call hypnotism, but I'm trying to do it on a global scale.

But, what can we do with that? i mean, we'd obviously need to burn this book.

The government can't let it get out. Their purpose in life might be sacrificed, they must'nt lose their power. Did i spell "must'nt" right? Are You going to google it right now?

See this is my point.

I can do this because i no You won't stop reading, because You have to discover the next thing I'll throw at You. Did You notice i spelled "no" wrong for that context?

Or did You gloss over it and move along because You didn't want to miss out on that next nugget of wisdom that You might miss if You stop to take notes.

I mean, it's not going anywhere, You can always go back and reread it. Like go ahead. i give You permission.....





.....








...... I'm not trying to be a profit or agent of change - I'm just trying to do my part to help save the world. (pun intended)









.....



So those dotted lines were just ... ........ They're swift for You.





...




not quite right for You to fit into Your patterns.















....









....




//..



Now You're really confused, because instead of varying the length, i varied the space between them...



Yes, You are allowed to scroll back up.



But You don't want to.



Because You are a fraid that You will fall behind...


The person over there on the other side of the aisle is probably hearing these words before You do.


How can that be - You can't be lesser of a reader than she.

But did i get You to envision a subway car and a lady with gray hair?


Are You doubting whether You saw her on a subway car or a bus?



Well no, she must have been in a cab.


It's likely that You're picking up on the fact that I'm leading You to certain conclusions just by the pattern of my sillables.

Like I'm not trying to say it, but i just spelled "Syllables" wrong.


Did You notice?


Now would You mind going back and rereading that all again, so that i don't need to repeat myself?




.....







.....







.....






.....





.....







.....






Ok, if You haven't finished rereading that by now You'd better just start all over from the beginning, because You haven't understood my first point.

My first point is that You have complete control over the conscious mind's decision making process.




You chose to skip ahead, and not reread the last section - I'll give You a dollar if I'm wrong. (sorry T, i don't actually have any cash on me right now, but I'll pay You back)



How can i make that bet?



Cause You are good people. Every last one of You.



I *Love You all.


And i want You to succeed.



I want You to succeed so much that I'm giving this all away for free.


Now, how many of You want to cast the first stone?


How many of You want to demand the dollar bill that I've promised You? (I know this probably doesn't apply too swifts, but i guess it's kinda like eating cake?



I'm standing here waiting for You to step up and demand payment owed. (I promise, I'll bring the money to the gala)


But You can't, can You?


Wouldn't that sacrifice a bit of Your soul?



You know what i mean, You're introducing a new glitch into the matrix.


Like, are You Neo reaching for the red pill, or Captain whatever his name is that's selling him out for Mr. Smith?



I mean, even if You haven't seen the movie, You likely understand the reference. If not, You'll go along with it.


So what brought me into this wealth of sheer knowledge, the likes of which essentially render me a Jedi?


I realized a very simple point.


The golden rule.


We live in a world of illusion, and I'm here to pull back the curtain and show You the Wizard of Oz.


But there's no easy way to see the wizard, You must follow the yellow brick road.


So what have i been doing to You so far?




Do You feel discombobulated?



I mean, You may be doubting thre meaning of the word, but I'm here to tell You that it's exactly like You think it means.



Because i led You there for a reason, to teach the meaning of the word.



That's all I've been striving for in this little preamble to the constitution.


What? i can't use that word?


Like, it's spiritually immaculate and cannot be besmirched?


Yes i said constitution, if that's what it is.



This book is a constitution if You really want to get literal.


Arguments here? At this point in the game?



We haven't even gotten to the first witness and You're already objecting?



Ok, review the rules and lets get on with it after the recess.






So Mozart was this guy back in the day and he did wonderful things with a piano.






And Beehthoven was just as chill.






Do You find me irreverent to these avtists of genius?




Now You need to deny it, if we're being perfectly honest. (of course not * You* T)



So I'm not trying to deceive, and that's why I'm showing You everything I'm doing along the way.



I'm not really writing poetry - go back and check


Is there iambic pentameter to review to decide?


I mean, is there any rhythm or structure that You need to perceive for the work to be worthy of Your recognition as art?






What is chaos but a pattern we don't yet understand?



What is a tesseract aside from an object in our minds, like a cube on a film reel that You can slow or speed up. What makes it a tesseract is simply the movement of time, which adds that perfect 4th dimension that can suddenly be envisioned by the masses.


We may not be able to ever see one, but we can in our mind, if we shed away our restrictions that society has placed upon it.



I know what You're thinking - he's alluding to the thought from before. ( You know T, i wasn't going for a 1984-vibe here, more of a 1987)



But what was that thought?




Are You going to scroll back up and see?




Are You the type that just has to know, or do You know that patience is a virtue, guaranteed dividends?



So i think we both know that You're coming along for the ride.


You don't really like poetry on the whole, but You'll survive.


So come along, i welcome You to the polar express - we'll find nothing but clear seas ahead since the north pole is no more




But i digress





Because You're probably wondering why You're all here



To hear me spill nonsense out of my mouth.


Well there's an obvious reason right in front of Your face.



Have You not figured it out in Your many long years?





The object of every novel is to teach.






Maybe it's a shitty topic or the morals are all screwed up.



But that's neither here nor there and we'll all behave.



Does that word disturb You?




I mean, for the first time here You suddenly felt put down.


It disrupted the flow like lines unevenly spaced.





And now You're getting worried - what nefarious intent is intended?





But no reason to fear, spongebob is here.




That was a bit odd, wasn't it?



Like, we're nowhere near bikini bottom.



But why would he reference bikini bottom or spongebob or squidward?




Because he's obviously insane we shouldn't pay him no mind.



Yep, please allow me to introduce You to the guy over there


He's been sitting on that front porch swing since 2003.




He enjoys the bluebirds that live in the tree



And he smells the sweetness of the ocean air as he's listening to the tides roll in.



Did You just picture that?





I know, all tehse typos are so disturbing - like nails on a chalkboard.




Have i thoroughly disarmed You to encourage You to not fact check?



I promise I'm only right 85% of the time. (no, I'm not trying to convince You T)



I'm not some know it all or something - just because i figure out the game






You ever play a game and force Yourself to persevier?


Is that the correct spelling even?



But no, the spelling is irrelevant, isn't it?





And Jenn, I'd welcome You back if You care to imbibe.


If You understand that joke You may know who i am.




But why would i ever want You to know who i am?



-------------------------------------------------- This is what inspired me to reach out T
The wonders of the world are in fanciful illusions


What do i mean, well I'll let You come to y'own conclusions


But i guarantee You this, against the price of this book - You'll appreciate it more than the price that You paid.



At this point You must be thinking to Yourself,



What ever could he mean, he's just like a houself



But, is that how You spell houself? i mean, should we look it up in the order of the phoenix?


I didn't put it in parenthesis, but can You forgive me?


Of course You can, there was no reason to ask - You wouldn't have purchased this book if You didn't intend to read it.


So i can say whatever i want without guilt because i know that i am in no way in Your debt for gifting this content.



But really it's Jess that'd I'd like to see here - why off in London You cease to appear.


But are these hidden inuendos You suggest? ------------------------------------<<<<<< this wasn't intended to be literal.

Why not, isn't that why You bought the book?



I mean, really, You can't blame me for having a good time while i write You this perfectly *Lovely nursery rhyme.



Are You falling asleep yet i hope? You should feel perfectly safe.


Nobody will judge You for putting down the book.



Good night and I'll talk to You tomorrow......




And You don't need a bookmark, because I'll give You some blank pages to remember Your place by.



Ok, that's it for tonight.





-------------------------- Editor's note - this should read 'that's it for the first after party' hint hint








\



















No, no peaking (well obviously amy's allowed, but not You Taylor)

























































You know santa claus won't come if there are any awake













(so at this point, we can have a little chat while the others sleep
(im' still trying to gegt ahold of karol's heir, and the 14th - but they're both pretty frail
(but i think me, You, and greta can save teh world on our own, even if they're unable to help us
(so i hope You'll show up at the ball, and not think it weird or creepy that i asked, i just want to give You my words in person. nothing more. nothing lesss. ohh, well I'll bring You some dark shades to help with the anxiety. and my secret may help You too.






































But after 8 long nights we can't help ourselves - we need to see light!s


































I'd reference the others, but i know not enough



















































To give You some bullshit and call it some fluff



















































Does my irreverent stance rub You the wrong way? i mean, You can always set the book down.























































Yep. Here are the terms. (at this point, hopefully You'll be willing to meet ET)









You can read this as much or as little as You want.







It'll be posted online for the masses for free.









I'm not looking for money, that's all for corupt





But I'll let You treat the next person who crosses Your path to a smile and a wave just to let them know You see them





Yes, just to let them know You see them








It's all a big discombobulation










Is that not what You expected?








So back to the matter at hand.





Sooooooooooooo......







Have You started hearing my words according to the intended lyrical beat yet?




I've been trying to lead You along so You can keep up.




Has it worked?









I have complete confidence that if You've made it this far You have learned at least something - even if You won't admit.



So, now we get to the good part don't we?


I mean, this is not Your last chance to abandon this pursuit.





Just stutter or shift over to the left, and then You can view the exit sign behind the grungy bathroom You don't think You can manage



Hold it - You'll be better off in the long run
















So yeah, You must be wondering why i have all these blank spaces.










It's just to catch Your breath between my runon sentences.













It's not really that - it's so i can get a break and stim










Because that's deep down who i really am
















I wasn't the silent one sitting in the back










I was the class clown who sold jokes by the pound








So is this whole book going to be poetry? i hope not - I'm not very fond of it myself.



The structure seems so rigid all of the time



Did You see how i added a little pun there? i knew You would. Or did You?







So I'll call this my avtistic pentameter


I mean, yeah, penta mean's 5



And no, none of my lines really seem to be lining up appropriately


Should i change it to become a stacato?

I mean, if it was good enough for the italians to do it that way?




But honestly, i intend this to be read as a novel, eventually at least.






So, can i claim this as prose, according to Your rules?




You've defined the words I'm intended to use, so how can i possibly violate their sanctity?





You know who i wanted to be like when i grew up?




As an avtist i had to consider the crowd.


I mean, if You're on the spectrum You'd get the joke.





So now ------voices angelic the lla evol i - etoN srotidE----------------






.
















Wait, what just happened there?





Did You have a second of doubt?























Did he just say he's avtistic?







No fucking way.







O damm, their's know revarance evn fer speling



Sorry, I'll stop fucking around and start the story already, right???????





Stop holding us up - is this even a forward or is it the first chapter?




Oh crap - You just realized they don't even have chapters in this book.




But why? Well can You explain why for the chapters?




I mean, i suppose it's like a change of scene in a movie




But really, if we're being completely honest is there any art left in movies, or is it only allowed in films?




Now i just made another whole group of people hate me.





I hate when i do that. It wasn't meant to offend Your ego, i promise You that





So if You look back at the author of this very book, who is it You see






I know i left off the question mark, but I'm pretty sure You still figured it out - does that bother You?






So what is the intent You ask of me today?




Well who's asking it from whom i demand in response?





Now it's night time for me so I'll pick this back up with You tomorrow. i suggest You do the same - there's no rush to read this - i promise it won't change Your whole view of the world





























































































So - did You actually sleep yet?























































I didn't yet
------------ Editor's note. This is now in passed tens.






















































So, yeah, it's getting awkward now























































Can You put the book down so i can go to sleep???

























































Now You're keeping me up with Your huffs and puffs - please just lay Your head on the pillow and close Your eyes, and happily fall blissfully into slumber.

























































Yeah - just put it down, and wash Your face and brush Your teeth and change into Your flannels and pull up the duvet and go to sleep. Or a comforter, it's basically the same thing just with the wrapper still on it.























































Hello again?























































Go to sleep.
------------ Not You Taylor



































































Ok, so now that You're well rested....















So, here we are, and i wanted to point something out to You.




Every time i ask a question that introduces new information into the context, it's a form of coersion.

But, that can't be - there's no way You've overlooked that Your whole life?


Now You believe that You've overlooked it Your whole life.


See what i just did there?




Now, You may be wondering why at line number 2000 we are finally getting to the point in the book where i tell You what the point is.




So, i want to tell You a little about me first to set the context.




Let's look back in time to back when i was married. Yes, i was married once. Yes, i am avtistic.




No, she had no clue. Because i didn't have a clue either.




I just figured it out a month or two ago. i mean, i suppose that's always going to be relative to whenever You're reading that statement.


But it really doesn't matter, because the book isn't about me. My name's not even on it. I'll put my name in here, if You really want to know. But You'll have to unpack all the layers. And then You won't want to tell anyone. But You should - i beg of You.













So, i just figured out that i want to be using my laptop so that i can listen to the music playing on the tv, but i also want to use that thocky keyboard over there. i don't really have the kind of positioning in my *Loveseat to allow for full compatibility with a keyboard resting upon my lap in addition. It just won't quite make me happy. You know what I'm talking about? Like it *could* work. But i doubt it.
Because i have a really easy job to do.


Incredulous? Are You?
--------------------- Taylor's note ------- this question wasn't for You.

Well now You are.


























All i need to teach You is one simplme rule.





I noticed that extra m, but it was intentional.



I don't know why it was intentional., but My finger wanted it there. and that's where You figure out this rule.











You need one thing in Your heart.











Okey Dokey, we're going on to something else - the point is that i leave You hanging, so that i can now start another discussion while You linger on the thought.







It's a cool little trick, that just happens into everyone's life at one point or another, if You're being perfectly honest.








It's that offhanded, under-the-breath remark, Your personal release valve for Your subconscious.







See not many realize, but they've been fighting a battle against themselves all along.








CAuse You're the king (or queen or prince or princess or I'm not really sure what term we're using these days for the LGBQT_+ group these days in the event they become monarch. Have You stopped to think about that?



I mean, it'd all be pedantic anyway, right?


As soon as they were monarch they could simply pick whatever name they want to be called, right? Her royal highness the princess of Pepsi and the queen of Coke and the Queen Mother of starship elations. Was she also the prince of peace?








No, I'd like to dispel all the rumors.



I'm not the second coming of christ




I'm not the profit promised.



I'm just chilling here in my living room typing on a laptop that cost more than half the world earns in a year - no joke. What is it, like 53% or roughty 4 Billion people that live off of $2/day or less? i mean really??????? (yes, I'm trying to evoke my inner Amy Poehler. Or however she spells her last name.


So Amy, if You're reading this - i think You're wicked groovy, and i could totally go for like a cougar and cub kinda thing if You're not seeing anybody. I'm just kidding - she *knows* I'm kidding. Trust me, You don't need to feel offended for her, cause I'm sure she's sitting here laughing her ass off while she rolls on the floor uncontrollably shaking in convulsions cause she realizes that she's the first one who gets the joke. Like she has to be - it was her's to begin with. Bwahahahaha






















So it's at this point when i have to stop and ask, "are You scared yet?"







Like, not scary for fear









But, like scared to get too excited.






I hate to put words in Your mouth, but i just did.








But, did You like it? Like be honest?
















We both know if You didn't like it You'd have discarded this rag of a book without so much as a cover or page. It's online. It's free. The whole world can have it. And I'm going to invite the best translaters in the world to translate it for me. Like a crowdsourced thing, but i don't want to raise a bunch of money, then pay them, get some lawyers involved, burn some fuel in the private jet, and then finally we end up with 3% of the donations actually making it to the donee.








And there were the externalities.
--------------------------------- Let me know if You like to give these.













Have You ever heard of externality? It's the concept that Any interaction between two people where a transaction occurs transferring some sort of asset, real or not, from one person or entity to another, with at least some of the energy lost to the environment. That energy that escapes is the externality. Or it might be sucking up the clean drinking water and replacing it with sludge to save a few bucks on proper disposal of chemical byproducts of reactions. Or just actual like fucking gross ass sludge.














What if i wrote a book designed specifically, entirely, to help the world?





Isn't that what Jesus did?





Or Mohammed?





Or Moses?






Or the Dali Lama? (as an aside, if You're reading this Mr. (??) Dali Lama, i do find You so intriguing, and I'd *Love for You to join me for a cup of tea if You have the time. Sorry for the interruption, please feel free to resume the regularly scheduled broadcast and begin to move about the cabin. But look at the sign that's in more places on that plane than anything else - DO NOT SMOKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!




Cause really, the 582 (on average) LED's on a plane that illuminate those no smoking signs are likely using up more energy than it would take to filter out anything harmful in the air. We survived for a long time, while smoking in planes - it's not like the cell phone signal - it's not going to take down the aircraft (it's all plastic, designed to be flame resistant - a cigarette does not have the heat to ignight such plastics I'm sure - can somebody fact check me on that?








SSSSSSTTTTTTTTOOOOOOOOOOOOOPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!











Party foul.










Did You see what i did? That's gotta be a penalty.






"There are no flags on the previous play. Timekeeper, please reset the gameclock to 4 minutes and 22 seconds. No, it can't be 4 minutes and 23 seconds, please adjust it." No, ESPN has to get the commercials at just the right time to ensure that their advertisers are happy and that they fulfill their contracts to the T. ESPN has no choice - they're likely contractually obligated to insert the commercial at a certain time during the sporting event. Any deviation could have significan't financial impacts. Now You're gonna steal that last one - i know You liked it. Yes, i fully intended it as "significan't" rather than "significan". Be cause i can.






You may have realized a slight change from the last chapter to this one.








For those of You who are just now joining us, I've been using a bit of a different style to emphasize that we can group sentences together without making them run on. i can do it. You can too. You quite literally could write this book - You just don't know how to at the moment. Hopefully by the end You will know how./








So I'd like to tell You a little story .... about the prince of belair



No, the other one, and i think we got the gender pronoun "prince" wrong.







Sorry, i know i may be poking fun, but I've got enough to share and spread around.







And the only reason I'm weaving in all these cultural references is to keep people engaged that may be tempted to distractions.






If You don't pay attention, You won't be able to ignore the words.







Cause that's the lesson of this chapter - the words don't matter.










So when i was married, my wife got into Twilight. Now, watching her salivate over some 20 year old werewolf every time he stripped off his shirt was a particular sort of feeling. I'll leave it at that.






So i hated Twilight, for no other reason. i mean, yeah, some of it was pretty cheezy spider monkey. But on the whole, I've always been drawn to vampires. i just never realized why until yesterday.







See with an AMA and FDA vying for the crown of most dysphemistic "professional" organization, i can't help to poke fun all the time. All the hypocracy, considering the hippocratic oath. Do they even take that anymore? i don't believe it's a requirement in most areas, but i could be wrong.







But do You know the hippocratic oath anyway? How many of You could recite it verbatim right now? No looking it up or using Google. Oh, i see, there's 8 of You holding Your hands up - rock on! i *Love You for it.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- i told You i *Love You ---- Editors Note -








But it was never about the words of the hippocratic oath, it was about the underlying meaning. The idea of an oath, is more powerful than any oath in and of itself. It's the oxytocin that gives it value. And it's the same oxytocin that leaves You vulnerable to this hack of Your mind I'm currently perpetrating.










See, the avtists Know that they have nothing to fear from an inability to be manipulated into rationalizing away their own knowledge and understanding. What could could come from that?



Yes, again, the typos - don't fix them please - they're there for a reason. Yes, every last one. I'd fix it if i wanted it to be fixed. i can handle it. I'm not really evan sure while i brought You into this editor, could You please just chill the fuck out? Yeah, I'm whering it cause it's on my shirt - thanks chive! (It's the red one, with the word chill in the netflix font across the chest and the ostrich on the lower right front (my right))



I mean, it's just really funny, but in a flirtatious way.




So ever wonder how flirting works?






Did anyone ever tell You how? Or were You expected to figure it out? Did You mom teach You? Or would that have been weird? Would it be more weird if Your dad taught You? Now somebody's just called me a pedaphile in their head.









No, i realize that should have been an o










So back to the point here, how to flirt is touching that line.








You see how i pushed past Your mom, and pushed back Your dad, and toed the line of going too far and becoming "creepy"




I even called it out that someone might label or judge me








But by calling it out You can't really now, right?












I'm sorry i had to bring Your parents into this, i hope i didn't offend.













If You hadn't figured out yet, I'm offering You my hypnotic powers of persuasion, hoping You'll use them for good and to help the whole world.





If everyone picks up this book, or logs on to my website and reads it for ffrreee, then we might all just become better, more kind, more understanding, people.







Cause the only thing we're all lacking is understanding.









As an avtistic child i had a particularly difficult time with rules. THEY HAD TO MAKE SENSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Editors Note - wear comfortable shoes.




That's the cure for autism. Get rid of the deceptions and doublespeak and misdirection of this world, and autism wouldn't exist as a "disease"


Just come out and tell them the entire reason why, before ever asking them to comply.








Just shower them with *Love and affection, and they'll never want to leave Your side.





I can walk into the bar, pelt You with compliments, at least half of which are obviously fake, and that begins to be the funny part and You don't want me to leave. I'm giving You overwhelming social validation, and it's impossible to resist.



At least for a neurotypical.









Cause my 12 year old avtistic self couldn't ever receive a compliment. They were given to me all the time, i just couldn't feel any of it. That's when i was convinced that i was defective.





I'm Catholic so i knew it was cause i had learned to masturbate. My mom didn't know but i had found an old magazine in the ditch along scrubel, and had stolen it back home so i could figure out how to make my penis work. Oh yeah, did You ever think about that before You told me how bad masturbation was? Like, it would have been cool if You gave me permission to figure out how to use my own body, and to naturally and safely and effectively releave stress and anxiety and pain in a perfectly healthy way?????




I mean, but jesus said it somewhere in the bible that You can't spill the sead or something along those lines, right?




And I'm just supposed to take this at face value? With no explanation or logic? You realize without the positive social feedback awarded to You by Your functional oxytocin receptors leaves me with ABSOLUTELY NO LOGICAL REASON TO COMPLY with illogical or rationalized justifications. Wow, yes, i can accept that killing someone is a really bad thing, and I'll hope i never do it - but there should be no distinction between killing one person or another. Whether it be at war, on the streets of the inner city, or in a prison fight over who gets to be who's bitch? Or in an electric chair, officially sanctioned by the government?


We could really open our eyes and realize we're living in 1984.





So have i earned the appelation yet, of a lyrical oddysey?






That's all i was truly hoping to accomplish today - somehow i need to engage them more fully so that they can release their inhibitions and really just open their minds. I'm tenderizing You now, lulling You into a sense of trust and bond and connection - at least the NT's who can feel it. But i believe the avtists feel it deep down inside, it's just shame and guilt and oppressive internal conflicts that prevent them from being able to enjoy this pleasure.


































You ever heard of Primary Oxytotic Autism with Secondary Mesolymbic Fibromyalgia as well as Secondary Circcadian Rhythm Dysregulation of Cortisol leading to a novel, hereditory, low-level, and chronic, Tertiary Cushing's Syndrome presentation with primarily Gastrointestinal, Coronary, and Neuropathic clusters of symptoms?



That's what I've got.







It's my diagnosis.









And You don't have to believe me. i do.








The only point of a diagnosis *should* be to identify a root cause of the symptoms.









Why do we measure the success of psychoactive treatments on their ability to cancel out the effects?






Why don't we simply look a tiny little bit deeper and figure out and fix the underlying problem?







It's really quite easy if You just take the time to think about it.






But is Your mind still plastic enough?






At least the psychological community understands that autism is tied to oxytocin and/or vasopressin pathway breakdowns.






But the doctors don't *really* believe this, if we're being perfectly honest.







They can't allow themselves to believe that.





It would make them complicit. . . . . .







Can we call this a work of art yet? I'm trying really hard, can You tell?










This is the easiest thing I've done in my life.













I'm on line 2812 and i just started this 12 hours ago.











I know, it's double spaced, but still - give credit where it's deserved.







The challenges of the world are all caused by our refusal to give our dogs a treat unless they pay for it. Stop worrying about whether You read that right and just trust Your gut instinct.







So i want to buy an island off belize. Yes, i should have capitalized that, but i really like it better when it doesn't seem so harsh. It just looks more pleasant on the page. Especially in this fixed-width font.




Why a fixed width font You may be wondering?




It is to establish a better sense of trust. When You know exactly how many characters are in a given space on the page, You have confidence in Your ability to keep up with the pace.
And You do *know* *exactly* how many characters there are - You just can't think of the name off the top of Your head. The top of Your head is Your conscious thought, so anything that's on the tip of Your tongue is being blocked or filtered by Your consciousness. All You gotta do is trip him to get him out of the equation temporarily, and hten You can see it. If You can push him over a ledge he may be gone for good. i did.





Your subconscious will understand that corners are cut all the time, but with the knowledge of the context of the rest of the sentence You can successfully fill in all the gaps, at least 80% of the time. Hypothetically.






This is the basis of speed reading - You just let You conscious mind take a break and let Your subconscious absorb. You shouldn't have to think about it to read this page. You should begin to anticipate the words before i type them.





That's why You *Love Your favorite song. It's because that expected result is received and You feel a satisfied blip of dopamine. It's ok to like it. Sing along if You can. When You sing along You're reinforcing the association between the song and the happy dopamine blips it contains. The more blips You get from knowing the next word or note or rythmic pattern - the more You'll like it. If the patterns or pitches don't really jive with Your heart, and You can't align the pulse to the music, it simply doesn't fit and either is irrelevant or irritating. You can admit it. i give You permission.






At this tiem I'd like to address the elephant in the room. Where am i coming up with this shit????? i mean, You can feel it working, at least You suspect You do if we're both being honest.



It's just my subconscious thought finally being spoken. I'm avtistic - it wasn't easy to get to this point.







I'm convinced at this point that the autism is a quite literal super power. The ability to see through the world's bullshit. All of it. Every time. You think You know how to feel what they feel, when You actively use oxytocin to manipulate Your own mind? It's the self-propaganda that's coming from oxytocin. i now realize that i don't want any of it. i can get the pleasure without forcing myself to believe a single lie.




I bet they'll start using the diagnosis i presented earlier at some point. Like, they'll figure out if they really want to cure autism, there's only 7 genes to investigate. But, the problem is, they don't really want to cure autism, cause that'd shatter their own fragile egos.







So, i took the plunge, do You think You will too? Dive right in, it's not as high as it looks. It's only water, how could that possibly hurt? Oh yeah, they told You jumping into water could turn it into concrete instantly when You fall in from too high. At least that's all Your subconscious needed to know. It may have recorded some number of feet and associated that with the LD50 of the treatment efficacy.






Lethal Dose for 50% of the population, i.e. if You gave the whole world this dosage, You'd expect half of them to die. Like the snapping of the fingers to wipe out the avengers. It's that powerful. Literally.




But thankfully, for most drugs the effective dose is lower than that.






Bwahahahaha - i made a funny


















I'm sorry, I'm still chuckling. You probably didn't get the joke, but that's ok. i mean, You probably got it before i finished saying it, but Your filter's too good to let it through in the concern for its own safety should it be pointed out that You laughed at a non-joke and feel socially ostracized - the reverse of validation.




Why not just laugh anyway?







A couple months ago i was sitting at the church in one of the offices discussing plans for a mission trip, and i laughed.



Ok, You need some backstory. I'm avtistic, as described in the above official diagnosis that I've given myself of my own authority as a lay person with no specific knowledge of the AMA's corruption, it's only general. Purely political theatre.





I like spelling it that way, but is it technically correct? It feels non-rhotic or whatever they call it when they drop the trailing 'r's in that Cockney we both *Love and hate.







Yeah, i said it, i meant it, and I'm hear to represent it. (pun intended).







I can see Your mind wandering and i don't want hold it up. You should take at least a 30 minute break now, and come back in a bit when Your mind has had a chance to rest a bit. i like mechanical keyboards - i can spend 3 hours decapping/desoldering/disassembling/lubing/modding/reassembling/resoldering/capping and typing. Just like that i taught You how to build a keyboard./





No, not literally, but You just jumped to enough conclusions right there to figure out Your way through the custom keyboarding site. i just gave You a step ladder to reach the book on the top shelf.







So to all the critics out there taking notes for fact checking - You can stop. I'll readily admit there's not a citation to be found here, and I'm sure that must make me a horribly irrisponsible righter. witer? no, that can't be it., writer.






And the lyrical odysee has reached the 3000th line. Aren't You happy You made it this far in one sitting?




Wait.












Move along....
















What I'm basically doing here is Nudge theory on steroids. i *Love the book, but haven't read it yet. But just the back-cover description told me all i need to know. Or, sorry, i lied, i read at least a chapter or two. Now do You feel I'm more or less honest? Can You call that perjury, since i spoke contradiction under oath? That's what it shows on TV.





So back when i was married, i had, what You might say, a peculiar sort of mother-in-law. And father-in-law for that matter. Dude was literally that rock star that picked up a groupy and shed his rock-n-roll lifestyle to find a job in sales. Truth.





So, this mother-in-law was difficult to convey information to at times, because she was particularly overbearing by default. She entered the room as the hawk looking for prey, the speed champion diving at blistering speeds they should give it tiles like the space shuttle to not get singed on the leading edge.





And, I'm avtistic, so I'm at times the worst, and best of linguists. All I've done for 41 years is to watch and listen and learn as much as i could.




It wasn't a choice.






Like, i knew i was different, and none of it came naturally to me. i got lucky and had enough caregiver/teacher/etc. attention and they took the time to explain, even if it was negative a lot more of the time.

Like, "this is why sometimes it's ok to lie, and other times it's not" and " just because i said so"




How can that compute without the oxytocin release that's suppposed to be for bonding and relationships has been commandiered for nefarious purposes. Now it's just used for memorization, with no real meaning behind it.




Why do we memorize when there's a computer sitting in front of me? Do we need to learn complex math that we could just plug into our calculator and solve? i mean, sure, if You're looking to advance the theory that makes sense.




But if we could find the honor we lost after breakfast at tiffany's then Pacote could out himself too.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Editors note - Karol gave me the message within my Youths in paris, but he only gave me the first part. ------- For Paris's Eyes only.





Irreverence You say? Can i offer You a plea of apology? Would You accept it? Would You think it warranted? Would the fact that i gave it make You feel like You need to apologize to me? It's funny how killing them with kindness works. It really does.










On Putin @ 3100.







I'd like to emphasize that all this spacing wasn't designed specifically for You - I'm just trying to reach a wide audience and make sure everyone can eat their supper tonight in peace.








Like, really, what was it for?









Yes, of course i mean the war.









You guessed it didn't You?








So what the world doesn't see is a called bluff and he's all in.



If he could pull some of those chips back in at this point he would.





But he knows if he folds he'll be dead tomorrow.




So he keeps playing the bluff game, hoping to stalemate while he thinks of a new plan.





But there is no plan. There couldn't be a plan. The whole thing was built upon such layered dissonance that it's impossible to find an out for him right now.



Offer him this - a new identity, and a ranch in montana, with secret service protection as a foreign dignatory as the exiled king of Russia in abstencia. Just watch the hunt for red october to see how it's done. Or send Alec Baldwin as an emissary and he'll do 't for You son.


He'd be happy with that and his successor will pull out to relieve the suffering and sanctions.


It's not that i think that he's not guilty of atrocities the world could never forgive. It's just that i don't believe any death of an individual without prior concent is possibly rationalized. It doesn't compute with my underlying truth. The golden rule.






Yes, i went to Georgia tech, so it had to be the Golden rule.







I like to just kinda sprinkle in those little breadcrumbs and easter eggs along the way. Have You noticed that? Like type in "Do a barrel roll" (without the quotes) into the google search box and You'll see what i'm talking about.




No not literally - all of this is allegory and illusion.


If i wanted to be a profit, I'd have put my name on the book. (o o)


No, that's not my boobies. I'm a dude.



Those are my eyes. My avtistic eyes. That's how i want You to see the next avtist You meet. He's staring through windows into a world he can fully comprehend, but has been denied by society the freedom of speech. That's what You're doing every time You tell a child or adult "just because i said so". You're thickening the layer of glass between You and them. You're introducing new resentments that You may not even realize.. every time.













I sometimes capitalize the first word of a sentence, and sometimes don't. i guess that could be perceived as an metaphor to help tear down illogical rationalizations.








Rationalization.




Rational.





I mean, You should want to be rational, right?






Why?






I'd rather be logical. Am i Right???????







Like - I'm pretty sure I'm right, but please fact check.






The critics are literally hating me right now. I've painted into a peculiar corner, and they gotta wait for the ink to dry before they can relieve themselves of discombobulation.










Yep. i said it. i meant it. And I'm hear to represent it. (sic)







Do You know what that word means? i dont'. i couldn't really tell You the dictionary definition, but i can tell You my understanding in a clear and concise way that may actually be more correct.



I mean, who decides what's the correct definition?




Isn't that crowd-sourced?









Ok, if You're thinking You need a valium or xanax, we should all just take a break. Shall we circle back in a couple hours after You've had a chance to bathe and eat??



Can i have that trailing 'e' there on 'bathe'? i don't know, but Your 6th grade lit teacher is screaming at this page. Don't deny it - i dare You to go tell Your class what You just swore?








Yes, that's an erroneous question mark, used to make a point. But the fact that it was making a point actually corrected its misusage. Tell that to Your lit teacher when she gives You that 'D' on the next term paper.


I mean really, could we be more pedantic?













Hank Moody i salute You - You're a hell of my kind of guy. i always believed You avtistic like me, in contrast to the Steve Urkel i thought was supposed to be my idol when growing up. That show may have caused me 15 years of pain.






I was scared to death to become that, so i hid my disease from myself for 40 years. Can You imagine? i was literally shamed by a TV show into hiding my disease, pretending to be happy when i didn't even know how. They could have just taught me how.








Sorry, i need to take a break, sometimes it still hurts a little and i need to settle my nerves. Well it's my nerves, but also not my nerves. See it's my post-sinaptic serotonin receptors that are killing me right now, giving me that pain in my stomach. Like, but where did that info come from, it can't surely have just rolled off the tongue randomly?












So one time I'm talking to my mother-in-law and telling her a story. Now I've had to adapt my whole life, and measure my responses every time, because i had logically deduce all the positive emotions that everyone else expected me to feel. But i didn't feel them, so they certainly didn't come naturally.





But that's what conflicts in our society.





So i know i know i know




I told You i was going to tell You a story about my mother-in-law. Or was it about my ex-wife? That's the point.



What I'm doing here is an attempt to better teach people how to small talk.




Small talk doesn't come naturally to many, neurotypical or not. It only comes naturally to those who make the rules, because by definition they have to.



Everyone else has to try to play catch-up and tag along.






So in small talk You want to find a way to layer multiple story lines into the social context. If You can start pulling in that random thought that jumps in Your head as the lightbulb flashes - You're perpetuating the machine.



You're throwing fuel on the fire every new thread You introduce. i can come back to them whenever, and as long as You've opened Your mind's door and let them in - You'll get it.





That's why it's confusing for many of my kind, when they see disparate threads that don't fit in the mold.






The avtist is already trying to support an 18-wheel load of dissonance in an effort to fit in. His i9 processor still only has a limited number of threads it can keep active at any time, the rest it has to buffer somewhere or somehow.


No, i don't know shit about computers.






Well crap, now You think me a polymath.




I'm not.






But it sometimes feels like I'm Lucy, from the movie Lucy. You know the one. And i hear You thinking it Ms. Apple. The gate has been opened. But she's married with kids.







No, i shouldn't have used epynomious, or title character there.






I wanted to demonstrate my point more effectively.








the repetition helps.















and the patterns in my syllables should be calming i hope - if not change the radio to a beat faster or slower to help.









You should be learning to expect the length of line changes to the characteristics of the prose - but would You have ever given it that appelation? Would You have likely ever noticed it if i hadn't pointed it out?











So yeah, this is my brain dump, and I'm happy to give it away.





But i did miss 3500, so apologies. Yep, You have enough time to check the line number, we're at 3510.









Decisiveness is thrilling. i like thrilling. It gives me the chance to open up my mind to new and frightening possibilities.




But You may not like thrillers, so i shouldn't be trying to influence You towards them.





I admit they can be scary, but they typically offer me the most compressed emotional learning and research available today in media (generally)



The same with dramas and comedies and sad stories and happy uplifting ones and the Hallmark movies that we all *Love to hate after watching them one too many times - it's inevitable, but could take years.







For every movie You see there is guaranteed to be the last time You watched it.

But luckily that's a simple tautology, right? You saw straight through the facade and trusted Your gut. I'm impressed.








Have You learned any new words yet? i hope You have. i know You have. But please, carry on....







I find the extra spacing between thoughts soothing, giving explicit permission to Your mind to stop and take a breath. i hope You can appreciate it





Of course there isn't a need to sextuple-space everything You write.



Nope, not at all.


I just like doing it and believing that someone - anyone - may find it useful.








I'm not doing it to make an irreverent and defiant point. i just want to engage. i want teach what I've got, and I'm not leading a cult. That's why i am REQUIRED to hide my identity here. i ethically can't handle any credit or following.









That's also why it's free.






But, here we are, and we missed another century. 3602














So what can You tell me? This is a conversation we're having here. It is. I'm asking questions, and I'm waiting for a response.





I want to hear from You, but i can't until You shed all the cognitive dissonance. Until then, all I'll feel are Your feelings, i won't be feeling Your words.













That's the freedom of speech - it's not about protecting hate.










It's never been about protecting hate. But then it is.







Yep, here's my critical race theory spiel...






Wait, did i say that?




Like how? I'm white.





But what does that mean. i feel shame every time i have to select my ethnicity. All these other people have distinction, and I'm just lumped in with white.





I don't want to be white anymore, because i have no bias, and feel that i couldn' t possibly deserve the advantages I've had. I've had advantages that You'll never be able to comprehend. But that's only unethical if i do nothing with those advantages to save the world. What better pursuit?








I'm inspired by that girl who's led a movement to save the future, and did it before she even turned 18. It took me 41 years to be as smart as her (well at least to the point of my personal belief, it's entirely subjective and biased I'm sure)






There is no such thing as intelligence. Everyone has the same logic engine. You start the same. A simple AI that only cares about one thing - cause and effect.







That's what's underneath all that instinct You feel. It's Your raw subconscious that is excercising it's model.






So Scarlett, were You method? Like when You played that role? Did You get up to 20 or 40%? Like did You start dissolving, wondering if You were becoming schizophrenic?


Cause at the end of the day, schizo is all just the inverted version of autism. You used to be "neurotypical" but now You're gradually becoming "neurodivergent". It's all just a spectrum, right?








But does the directionality determine the diagnosis?





Should it?







I'd like to tell You a little story, of how it feels to be me. I'm not claiming to know the story of any other avtist, but this is sincerely what I've got.












So i see You and hear You all day long. i can see the body language that should bring me joy. But i just can't find the words that You want me to say. i don't know what body language i should offer in reply. If You'd just tell me i can figure it out, and once I've figured out all I'm lacking is the motivational reward. Give me a plentiful source of dopamine and I'll be writing this book. Is that treatment or abuse? Is it more abuse to know that dopamine would help, but deny me my whole life to maintain a drug war so that You can arbitrarily re-enslave anyone who would cause You any speedbumps?









That had to be line 3750, but You'd probably never get it. But because i pointed it out, You now do get it. Don't try to think about it to hard.








We all think hard work is the key to success. It's not, it's luck or duplicity, or a combination of the two..




Every person on earth has inherent value far exceeding any bitcoin. so why have we elevated it to billions?





Why can't robinhood come along to fleece all the bitcoin and feed all the hungry of the world? I'm sure anonymous or the NSA's hackers or the GRU's hackers, or what does it matter who? Am i anonymous? Really???? (Amy please accept my apologies for this abuse)







But they'd just put those horded resources to better use - use for them.








You know Leonardo? He had what I've got. i see it in the eyes of his lisa every time i look at her beautifully collapsed soul in the oil. Isn't that what mona means? i don't know, italian.



Did that extra comma somehow work? Can the uncapitalized 'italian' suffice as a phrase?


Hank used a phrase, "a poor man's bukowski". i hope You don't mind me pulling You into this sir. i do totally respect You and i couldn't have written this without hearing about Your Youth. It freed me truly, in the most sincere and significant way. Thank You.





I've always been afraid of doctors and my mom.



And my dad.




but it wasn't their fault.










I've got the same single nucleotide polymorphism within the OXTR or OTR gene at rs53576. Yes that's personally identifying information i just gave You. It's the AA allele - i think it's much more popular than people realize. Like just the tip of the iceberg.





You know why? Because they're looking at it all wrong. You gotta look at the bigger picture, to see the forest through the trees. Don't overthink it and just try to enjoy this.






They know that it has to do with oxytocin, but can't figure out why adding oxytocin won't fix it. So they look at vasopressin, or any other random anxiolytic. No, I'm not calling vasopressin an anxiolytic.





You see in this book what I've been trying to say?





Just stop listening!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


















When You stop listening to my words, You'll finally be able to hear them. What was language for anyway, other than conveying a need or want? i need You so i say i *Love You. i want You so I'll call You friend. But i could survive without You, unlike family - no offense intended. My brothers and sisters and sons and pups luckily are all my best friends. They're the ones i need. They're the ones i *Love. The others are the ones i want.





And that's what the conscious mind is for - to enable those things to be conveyed.




Only i can only receive the negatives conveyed. The positives can't reach me, so i either adapt and pretend, or i can't play in Your game. It is a game. With all the silly rules and restrictions to ensure it remains biased towards those who've got control over the resources.







But what they don't realize, is that there are only 2 resources society needs.











Unlimited energy, and *Love.






If we can run up a surplus of clean energy, it will eventually cost nothing - it'll pay for itself. As this reaches 0 we can feed the world. Whether in factories or fields - it'll work.






But there's no rational thinking there, it's too logical. It doesn't play by the rules of profit. Of Capitalism. The real president of the world.










See how it feels more and more interesting the more layers i add to this story?





This is just how my mind has been doing cartwheels since i came to these realizations.








Now go to sleep. Please, I'm begging You - i need some rest. And to take the dogs for a walk. And to take a shower at somepoint to day. And it's 4pm, i should find something to eat. So can You give me like 3 hours and i promise I'll return? Just go grab a coffee or a beer or a gummy or hash. Anything that'll give You a little blip of dopamine, and brighten Your day. Just don't take it too far. And remember 100 years ago the typical medicine cabinet in most homes had a bottle of laudanum.





Don't worry about looking it up - laudanum was typically a 10% tincture of opium for relief of pain and coughs/sore throats. Adults used to be trusted to measure and treat their own pain and minor illnesses. But now i should pay $500 an hour to plead my case to the judge that believes I'm drug seeking just by asking. A really good implementation. Joseph Heller would be proud. Thank You Mr Nixon.





Now You may wonder why Your teenager doesn't listen to You. It's likely because they can see Your bald faced lies. Like truly, I'm sincere. If they can see the lies in Your words, they'll disregard them to avoid being oppressed and brainwashed.


It's a perfectly logical response to the way we treat teenagers today, to be honest. What did Harvard say, 63% of college students suffering from severe anxiety symptoms these days? Damn, and i thought i got shafted.







Yes, that's an allusion to Georgia Tech, my alma mater. But, i can't think of the latin translation, so I'll just say it's where i went to college. Or university. But it's neither, it's an institute. So technically, I've been institutionalized with avtistic/schizophrenic symptomology since 1999.




I mean. Yeah. Sincere.



















Time check - we're approaching 4k.








We missed it - better luck next time.







So is this fun? Are You still sitting there having not-yet dropped the book? You know my fingers get tired from all this typing and I'm not allowed to stop until You turn the tv off. I'm literally the miniature man in the box












So what will that leave us with when it's all said and done? Hezbollah becoming my friend after taking my phone. I'm serious. He just wanted to stay out of my pictures without his express written concent. No weapons nor threats. i enjoyed the chance to sit and think for a couple hours.

I can respect that.





Ok, i gotta take my dogs for a walk or they'll eat my sneakers - be right back.






















































.......






























































































0000000000 Walking my dog. 00000000000




















































--------------
\


































000000000 Walking my other dog 000000000










































------------------------------------
































000000000 Haha! i fooled You! 000000000















































----------------

















~~~~~~~~~~ i took them together, at the same time ~~~~~~~~~~~~~







But now i want to know if You scrolled up or turned back the page to measure the lengths of 00000000s You just glossed over and thought You might have seen a pattern in. That's how it works.


















Your mind is every bit more brilliant than mine. But many of You will tragically never figure out how to unleash it for the benefit of the world.







I was just trying to get Your mind off hezbollah, and try to forgive them of any past wrongs - they just want a place of their own with opportunities and safety to share with their kin. If You ask the Youth of lebanon, regardless of religion, they don't understand why they've been taught since birth to hate. It's unnatural, and it destroys them, from such an early age. You're sending Your own children to their own personal hell every time You perpetuate hate of any sort against any




Yeah, You know how to end that sentence.







So i heard it once said by some great writer that he knew the shortest story. It was staring him in the face all across his own war. Two eyes and a big nose, hanging over the ledge. That's the avtist watching, learning, but afraid to speak a peep. If You'd simply relieve them of that fear, I'm sure You'd *Love to meet them. They truly are the nicest I've met in the world. Well, them and the people of Amsterdam - i really *Love that society actually.






But now i must apologize to all the rest of the world, who now feel snubbed. I'd say I'm sorry, but would You feel it sincere? Can we be reasonable here? Or is there still fear?








Cause it's the rational mind that builds fear, shame, and guilt. It's the logical mind that sees past these to the good in humanity. The logical can perceive the oxytocin sent, it just can't feel the dopamine benefits. Kinda sucked for a while.





I feel feverish - i think i must be up to 40% - Hang on Lucy, Lucy hang on!





My grandmother always used to tell us that she "was an english teacher" when we asked what she did. It wasn't till later when we asked what school she taught at, that she revealed "I taught 3 daughters english". Can You think of any more truth?










Every mother and father is a teacher at the highest levels. You bring Youths up in a world, by teaching them to lead. Or You teach them to follow, and fall in line. Please teach Your children to lead - neurotypical or neurodivergent. The world already has enough of us slaves.






You can teach a dog to stay put by chaining him to a fence, but he'll never be Your friend until You learn to trust him not to run away.







I can keep rattling off the answers, but that's stealing Your rewards. I'm just here to bring You close to the ledge, so You can feel the victory Yourself.




Like the army, or the marines, or any of those. I'm sorry i didn't serve.






So I'm writing this book to teach You the right way. The way where You get the rewards of Your education, not me. Not to be productive. Not to be a good worker bee. Every man, woman, child, and everything in-between - You deserve to be free regardless of how much of the resources Your parents managed to steal back away from their captors.


And the only way to be free that i know of is to relieve Yourself of Your inhibitions, and follow Your heart, which knows the golden rule The inhibitions are society's grip over You that You need to relieve Yourself of


Yes, i essentially repeated myself but in a slightly different order to help You imprint it when You realize that it was all a trick to get You to learn. You're welcome.





Well crap, I'm only at 90%.








I told myself I'd wrap the forward at 5k.




Maybe i can't make it.







But what do You think?











Should we start the first chapter yet?










Or do we need some sort of prologue? Or is it an epilogue? Or a eulogy? Idk, it's just me (o o)







The avtistic kid in Your math class who's awkward but really smart.








The math was always the easiest part of my life. It was my life that was the hardest part of math.








Please reread those two sentences for good measure.






I want You to see past the words to the underlying feeling of what I'm trying to convey. avtistic or not, i hope You can feel it.









That is what autism feels like.









But I've found the cure. I'm just not allowed to give it to You, "cause they said so".









So are You following me now? Do You understand how this book is intended to work? Have i taught You anything yet? If not, You may want to go back and reread the instructions. When was the last time a book gave You instructions on how You were supposed to read it? But isn't that what a book is for? So that it can convey a message? If You hide the instructions, You're gonna lose most of the avtists.







I like the word "avtist". That's what i am. You can be too. Not to make light of it, simply that it's true.













But it's not a fashion statement, or something to justify the crazy way I'm trying to write a book for You.







It's evocative of "artist" to be perfectly blunt.







Can i call myself an artist too, or do i need a prescription for that diagnosis as well? Which appelations are restricted from us in the lower caste? i can learn, but please just tell me.











Ew, i like this number 4696. i mean, I'm sorry i let it get glossed over, please let me try again.




Four thousand six hundred and ninety six. How many silables is that? 12?





oops, mighta missed one, but You won't mind, it's just an 'l', right?






Or a 1?



fixed width fonts have shitty ones i won't lie.








So was it an odyssey we mentioned previously, or did we spell it wrong last time? You didn't stop to look it up did You? Where could it have gone? Surely You'll never find it. What if i had it disappear the first time You scrolled past it, just so You couldn't scroll back and check? like hid it from the search feature in Your browser and stashed it in the server cache so You don't have control anymore - the server knows who You are.









But certainly one of You reading is a web developer, and could check my javascript. Ooh, but what if it's server side - oh crap, it has to be if that's where the cache is. Skip flushing Your browser cache and instead fill the server cache with nonsense by opening up 50 tabs of the same site and making strange selections simultaneously, to discombobulate it.





Oh shit, good thing I'm anonymous.







My favorite olympic sport is rhythmic gymnastics, but synchronized swimming is a close second. I'm pretty sure both sports require particapents to hold their breath the whole time - like 3 minutes!




See how i neglected to qualify the like?




It left it ambiguous enough for You to accept the estimate. If i had said "it's like exactly 3 minutes!" You'd be fact checking me right now on how long each routine should last







Is that how You spell routine?












Yes, so this is going to be a rhythmic gymnastic avtistic relative odyssey - the best kind i presume. What other would You like before leaving so soon. You'll keep giving further chances i hope, and i will prove i can do better, without any doubt.











So if You haven't already taken 5 breaks at least, You should take another now before we wrap up this introduction.









Let's meet back in a little over an hour.

















.........





























...............



























.......... This isn't an hour, come back later.
























-------------------
























----------------
















------------------------------------------------------------ NOT QUITE




















































Chapter 1.







I'm sorry if You were hoping for a title more expressive. i mean, if You have to jump around, You'll probably not pick it up as often.






So I'd recommend reading straight through, other than when i explicitly suggest a break. You can trust me - the words will still be in Your head from where You left off. That was always the point of this - to teach You how to let go of the wheel and let the golden rule steer.










Well, I'm done arguing with You, I'm gonna go take the dogs on another walk. With no empty pages killing trees this time.




So "a long long time ago, i can still remember, how the music used to make me smile." i think Don Henley wrote that, but i think i could be wrong.





I told You at the beginning, right? i only get 80% right by default - unless i know the material? Still holding true in case You were wondering.








Yep, dog walking time - they're not amused with all this writing. These sorts of words don't make sense to them anyway, since I've relieved them of their own cognitive dissonance and freed them to explore their own lives. Yep, i removed their collars. Fuck it - if they really want to leave, who am i to stop em.











But that's my point. A law that says i have to "give" them a choker collar like a little submissive? Are we really gonna do the BDSM thing with a non-consentual dog? Or two? That i keep in a cage? Fuck off.







(yes, that would probably be called a 'mic drop', according to 2015 lingo)





Does that mean I'm at 50% now Lucy?







You see I'm actively trying to open Your mind with a metaphor that You may be able to better relate to. If You've seen the movie, i hope You can recall these little subtle references I'm dropping. If You haven't seen it - I'll try my best to refrain from spoilers. (and that means You should probably go watch it)





Ok, one more thing, before we wrap up the forward, can i get an "Amen!"????? I've always wanted one.









Is there a melody or harmony or both in the words I'm speaking when they reach Your brain?





Is it a favorite song of Yours? I'd like to do a little experiment with You, if i may.







Can You pull up Your favorite song and listen to it right now? Yes, just put down the book - even bend the corner of the page a little if You don't have a bookmark - it's ok. i published it so You could enjoy it. And if You're online reading this - feel free to steal the code.






It's like the second Austin Powers movie. When he comes out of the deep freeze and has no inner monologue - it's flippin awesome!






Like, totally tubular, man!






Yeah, i was born in the 80s.









Could You tell?







Another dog walk. Or not. It's really the same one, that I've been procrastinating. You see that, i lied? i told You i had taken out the dog, and now You know i didn't. But was it a lie? Or were the words actually immaterial to the point i was trying to make. Which point?






And that is the point. Stop making points. i can't help it - that's autism. It's not that i want to sound like a know-it-all, it's just that You've withheld the guidebook on how to talk "normal" give them all the guidebook, and some dopamine for once.









So it's at this point that i need to say some things I've been trying to say to You about the horrors of the literature world, the scourge of the messiah, the horrors of Don Quixote. The run on sentence. It's a plague that i can't deny. It's the devil in the window looking in.









But no this isn't satan worship, as I'm sure they're already making up signs to call it. Blasphemy! Hurrah!!! Burn the heathen at the stake! But my name is evanly so i know I'll be going to a better place where they don't burn people alive for their entertainment.







Cause that's just sick








I hope i didn't have to remind You. So I'm talking to the next soldier that comes to the ethical and moral and legal dilemma of our times - is he one of the ones I'm allowed to kill, that I'm supposed to kill, or neither? How do You tell them apart? Do they wear nice name tags indicating which side they're on? Like a badge that can be used to summarize the collective brutality of a group of thousands of people. Yep, i *Love stereotypes.








Generalities are how the world works. You need to have the capacity to recognize paterns to survive, and that is what Your subconcious is there to tell You. It's supposed to remind You - 'hey, You remember they said blah, blah, blah bullshit bro?'






Have You rolled on the floor and laughed yet today? i hope You find something humorous at some point today so You can laugh. We need more laughter in the world.














Yep.















Bwahahahahha









Fiftytwofitylikeatitty






Because i can, that's why.










Does it almost sound like I'm inside Your own mind? That's Your subconscious trying to tell You that You already know all this shit. Just friggin open the library door and walk in.










Be nice. Be happy. Do drugs. The ones that help You. In a safe way. Get treatment. Find a doctor. Find a drug dealer if You can't. And fuck every government that tries to deny You the right to happiness. Yeah, that's the war on drugs.










Every euphoric medication has no possible way not to be on the government schedule of controlled substances. Did You ever stop to think about that? Like, why is it that i can walk down the street in Atlanta with 50000 lethal doses of lead and a gun legally, or 50000 lethal doses of cyanide legally, but not 50000 non-lethal doses of marijuana? I'll be taking a short trip down to Fulton County Penal. You got some stats to back it up? Cause from my viewpoint, it appears that the government is intent on strictly controlling access to pleasure to extort the population of all its capital, but that's just me. Why don't i go pay $300 for GA tickets at the next concert while i drink the two $18 beers that are all i can afford for nurishment. And thirst.







Well Let's try to get this back on track.







I mean, I'm supposed to be writing a book here right? Can You help me a little. And Trixie is glaring at me. Ferris too. i think i need to go.





























































Chapter 2.







Nope, this one didn't land on the right line number, we'd better try again.




























































Ohh, i like this one....


Chapter 2.





Do certain number speak to You, like they should make more cents? Or puns that You kinda miss but then realize You really didn't?





(editor's note - is LA between glendale and arlington in the Dicttionary?)





If i spell the word wrong, can i coin it as a meme? Could i turn it into crypto somehow by creating an imaginary derivative asset class to legalize ponzi schemes and market manipulation and money laundring and tax evasion and




You fill in the blanks.









Maybe it could even destroy the planet - but we're already doing a pretty good job of that, we really didn't need any more help.







Thanks crypto.







Did You realize i forgot to pluralize numbers?






go back up there it's just above the fold.



And now we have a number worthy of chapter 3.










If You ever hear someone say a book is dangerous, this is what they mean. It's not that it teaches You bad, it teaches You truth. The truth is dangerous




Like does any of this even make any sense or am i delusional. I've been writing for 18 hours and I'm not sure how much longer i can go on, but the book hasn't even started yet and I've only got a week.



I told myself i could write a book in a week, and now it's happening. i bet it wouldn't have gone so quickly so far if i hadn't






like if i had set the goal for a month.





//









What was that? Backslashes creepin in? Beat them back! Beat them back!!! Can You grab a pen and just cross them out? Or no, can You highlight them? Do You have a highlighter? Can You go get one? or a bic pen? it doesn't really matter.








The point was, You were supposed to leave the backslashes alone. They weren't bothering anybody, and just wanted to chill out and enjoy the read. But society tells You to listen to me implicitly. i must be important - i wrote a book. Well at least 3 chapters of a book so far. Or maybe like 1 and a half? What's the call ump?








Live and let live man - was it the beetles who said that? (sorry Ringo)









You know what? i haven't been spacing like this to hurt trees. i did it so that You can feel good about Yourself. Every page You turn is getting You closer to the message underneath, so it's giving You that dopamine reward every time You flip it.




Don't believe me? See if You like turning the next two pages. (note from the editor (sic) - this is why i *Love every book that has full page pictures, just because)







































































































































































Waste of paper my ass. i made a point. Fact check me. Twit me or whatever. i don't have the app anyway.





Thanks Trump for that.











Chapter 7.






No, You aren't going crazy. Haven't You realized by now that this is all an optical illusion? Quite literally.




Unless You're listening to the audio book at this point, in which case they'd call it an auditory hallucination. i find it's so interesting the way these doctors pretend to care and give You little drops of serotonin like it's god.







Yep, i said it, i meant it, and i'm here to represent it - thanks Hank!!!






Or, Evan ? No, that was the actor's name, not the character. Runkle. Runkel? Runkelle? What if Khalisi said it? Khalisi, out.








So this is the improv game i like to play. i learned it in a neurotypical improv class. It came in reallly handy today. My dog accidentally bit this guy today on a walk around the neighborhood. The guy apologized and told me he was gonna come over to "chill" later tomorrow night.













I hope it goes well. You know these people these days - can't trust a single one of them. .








So i think I'm at like 50% now. A little bit feverish, but i just realized that's what real happiness feels like



It's kinda warm and fuzzy





Like some white chocolate bhudha double stacks from back in the day. Or so I've heard.






And i feel really social, can You tell?






like, it's almost as if I'm no longer avtistic









Well i hope You enjoyed the forward to my new book. Check it out some time.








From the avtist who found his voice. :P







.



































































































































This content is provided free of charge, in the form of any digital copy. Aside from the NFT. That may be auctioned off at a future date and time of the author's choosing, if the author chooses to. Let me know in the comments if You want me to. And also let me know if You know how to make one of these fancy digital imaginary (can we call them commodaties?) derivatives?? (sp?)





For a paper or hardback edition, publisher inquiries will be fielded by the offices of

"Barney, Smith, and Klein"
PO Box 867-5309
Endwell, New York, USA, 13760













All rights reserved. To be considered for publishing rights for print editions of this book, please present a statement of work with at least these minimum contractual provisions to the address above for consideration:



1. At least 50% of the purchase price of all physical copies at time of initial sale or at time of resale, must be remitted to themanwhofoundhisvoice.com, a 501c3 charitable organization (pending government filing) researching cures for autism, and raising awareness through creative fiction and non-fiction content.

2. A Non-Disclosure Agreement (NDA) must be signed by all contractual parties ensuring complete anononimity for the author before any negotiations will commence. This would be waived of course if the author reveals their own identity, or if the author is positively identified by others and confirmed by the author at any point in the future.

3. Author retains the right to nullify any and all print publishing agreements at any time, and for any cause without requiring justification. If this occurs,
a. the publisher will be allowed 30 business days to continue printing copies before the edition will cease to exist
b. all copies printed of every edition will have a unique serial number identifying the edition and copy number, with a format of the author's choosing

4. all editions must have their cover art, and all jacket content approved by the author prior to first printing
a. at the author's choice, the author may or may not provide illustrations for the cover art and/or intersperced within the text copy of any addition
b. at the author's choice, the author may or may not allow illustrations included in previous editions to be printed in subsequent editions
i. this would need to be negotiated between all 3 parties involved, or their representatives.

6. as there is no part 5 of this contract, 5 percent of all proceeds should go to the author
a. this will be deposited weekly into an account of the author's choosing throughout the entirity of the printing process and lasting until the severing of the contract by either party based on estimates provided in the statement of work for total run prior to sales revenue matriculation.
i. this will help ensure that the author can retire from their current profession and devote more time to future writing projects and/or autism research, or any other non-profit endeavors the author would like to engage in.
b. if this amount exceeds the author's hourly billable rate used to calculated an anual salary at the time of contract signing or within 1 year previous as a salaried employee, remaining balance will be deposited into the charity of the authors choice, or themanwhofoundhisvoice.com; at no time will any overages return to the publisher
c. if a violation of the NDA occurs, printing will continue for an additional 30 business days, and 100% of the revenue from all sales and resales that occur on or after the violation will be awarded to the author or the charity of the author's choice.


9. By reading and/or otherwise consuming this digital content, You agree to all terms described within this entire document. Including the author's interpretation of all prose and poetic content.


7. In the event of any dispute, then Michael Sheridan, Esquire will be the designated arbitrator of all claims. You may contact him at the address listed above, and he will represent both the author and the general interpretation of this agreement in his role as mediator of the same.

8. This term intentionally left blank for future updates as the author sees fit.

11. By reading any of the textual content or images or descriptions herein, You are agreeing to allow the author to hypnotize You, if the author is able to with the authors words in this document alone.
a. the author agrees to use all of the author's facilities, to ensure a fair and equitable interpretation of these terms
b. the reader agrees to use all of the author's facilities genuinely for righteous, moral, and ethical pursuits.
c. if the reader abuses the information provided in this document, the reader agrees to pay a $5 million award of compensation to each individual negatively impacted by this externality.
i. determination of eligibility will be in the opinion of the author and/or the author's assigned mediator, as specified in sectino 9.
i. in addition to punative damages previously described in the parent section header, $5 million additional gift will be provided by the reader to the charity of the author's choice, once per violation.

10. Fuck You Donald Trump.

12. The end.

13. If You are viewing this on the website, there should be some sort of shortcuts, at least i tried. There may be a local cookie storing the line number of Your most recent location for jumping to that location again in the future when You return to the site. If this is implemented, You agree to the storage of said cookie, which ensures this functionality works smoothly. If You would like You can always (and should probably do it periodically for Your safety anyway) flush Your browser cookies through Your browser's settings. You can also use a more secure browser, such as Brave, which includes blockers and configuration options to block this or any other cookies, if You'd prefer not to have any data stored on Your browser without Your explicit permission. By reading this content You agree to this, just because i don't want to try and figure out European PII laws and all that crap. i mean - i wish we had it hear in the USA, but that'd be too obvious, so I'm pretty jealous of the Europeans, and wish i could fall within their jurisdiction to be honest, at least in this regard.


Please give me an offer of dual citizenship abroad, if it can be made available to both me, along with any other individual who identifies as avtistic.




If You own any parcels of land, facilities, or other real estate or assets that You'd like to donate to the Super-PAC associated with this web-site, please contact the representation detailed above.



Does any legally binding document care if my numbers are in the correct order? Or if i skipped any? i mean, can it be binding if it includes section 10 above? i mean. Irreverence personified, am i right?




Right now i don't have any service set up for accepting donations or anything like that, but I'm trying to learn how. It's just so confusing to my feeble mind.


Ok, it's like time for You to go now. Just go to bed. It's after 1 am. Oh wait, the time fell backwards today. i guess it's only midnight. Might as well crack another beer and chill with the pups. We explored a publix shopping center earlier - but after closing time so they could just run around and explore the empty parking lot. It was fun. Thanks for reading!





Oh yeah - and on a side note, since i didn't hire a lawyer to write those terms (I just pulled them out my ass, could You tell?) i think I'll have to talk to the jury about Your lawyer's behavior. I'm sure they'll get a chuckle at my thoughts about Him.






So obviously this is just an intro, and i have many verses and choruses written in my head waiting to get into Your hands. I'm sure You NO EXACTLY what i meen. but my fingers tire, adn i sometimes need a little help from my friends. will You be my friend? will You show me how to develop callouses to protect me? i can show You how to believe more. i will always *Love You, and You've already done more for the world than You could possibly owe - win or lose - i choose You <3 <3e(oo)





And if You can't make it, please pass along the invitation to any friend of Yours, as we could always use more faces at the ball. But please keep this secret I've shared with You to Yourself - protect it until i can come back to get it








So long, farewell, auf wiedersehen, goodbye
Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye
Goodbye
























































do You have elon's cell by chance? i need to talk to him after dalai, and i don't think he's on twitter anymore. ;S


6201


































































































Did You get my double and triple and quadrupal and quintupal and sextuple meanings there Ms. Swift? or Doctor Swift, as i like to think of You. i hope so - i always envisioned You as the doctor type ;) had to sneak one more in - Trick or Treat!






























































As an aside, i wouldn't mind a kiss on the cheek at the gala either, just sayin.... If Your latest beau won't mind me on Your mind. And something for my insta, if i ever figure out this social media stuff. i got banned from twitter after my second tweet - i guess staying anonymous was a bad idea, but i tride. So You probably shouldn't hold Your breath. and i hope You received my tweet about a song on election day - i do think it could help the people, but please don't do it for me. i believe I'm not worth it. Nobody is. Truth.






















































If You got deets on any others who might understand this stuff like i do, lemme know - I'd like to chat. I've got a lot of people i want to talk to about this, and I've got a lot of words to say, but worry i may lose my voice. i think You know what I'm saying. If i do - please make sure the world listens anyway? Try to keep this secret safe so we can keep sharing it with the world. If you've read every word of this - the hidden meaning is already locked in your mind forever. You just need to find it now. And all it takes is belief - not in me though. You have to fill in that blank OR





































































































































































































































































































































































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